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Lamb
  • Language: en
  • Pages: 512

Lamb

  • Type: Book
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  • Published: 2009-11-05
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  • Publisher: Hachette UK

The birth of Jesus has been well chronicled, as have his glorious teachings, acts, and divine sacrifice after his thirtieth birthday. But no one knows about the early life of the Son of God, the missing years - except Biff, the Messiah's best bud, who has been resurrected to tell the story in this divinely hilarious, yet heartfelt work 'reminiscent of Vonnegut and Douglas Adams' (Philadelphia Inquirer). Verily, the story Biff has to tell is a miraculous one, filled with remarkable journeys, magic, healings, kung fu, corpse reanimations, demons, and hot babes, Even the considerable wiles and devotion of the Saviour's pal may not be enough to divert Joshua from his tragic destiny. But there's no one who loves Josh more - except maybe 'Maggie,' Mary of Magdala - and Biff isn't about to let his extraordinary pal suffer and ascend without a fight.

Bloodsucking Fiends
  • Language: en
  • Pages: 302

Bloodsucking Fiends

Jody never asked to become a vampire. But when she wakes up under an alley Dumpster with a badly burned arm, an aching back, superhuman strength, and a distinctly Nosferatuan thirst, she realizes the decision has been made for her. Making the transition from the nine-to-five grind to an eternity of nocturnal prowlings is going to take some doing, however, and that's where C. Thomas Flood fits in. A would-be Kerouac from Incontinence, Indiana, Tommy (to his friends) is biding his time night-clerking and frozen-turkey bowling in a San Francisco Safeway. But all that changes when a beautiful undead redhead walks through the door...and proceeds to rock Tommy's life—and afterlife—in ways he never thought possible.

A Dirty Job
  • Language: en
  • Pages: 448

A Dirty Job

  • Type: Book
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  • Published: 2009-11-05
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  • Publisher: Hachette UK

Charlie Asher is a pretty normal guy. A little hapless, somewhat neurotic, more of a Beta than an Alpha Male. Charlie's been lucky, though. He owns a building in the heart of San Francisco, and runs a second-hand store with the help of a couple of loyal, if marginally insane, employees. He's married to a bright and pretty woman who actually loves him for his normality. And she, Rachel, is about to have their first child. But normal service is about to be interrupted. As Charlie prepares to go home after the birth, he sees a strange man dressed in mint-green at Rachel's hospital bedside - a man who claims that no one should be able to see him. But see him Charlie does, and from here on out, things get really weird. . . . People start dropping dead around him, giant ravens perch on his building, and it seems that everywhere he goes, a dark presence whispers to him from under the streets. Strange names start appearing on his nightstand notepad, and before he knows it, those people end up dead, too. Yep, it seems that Charlie Asher has been recruited for a new job, an unpleasant but utterly necessary one: Death. It's a dirty job. But hey, somebody's gotta do it.

Fool
  • Language: en
  • Pages: 214

Fool

  • Type: Book
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  • Published: 2010-02-04
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  • Publisher: Hachette UK

A man of infinite jest, Pocket has been Lear's cherished fool for years, from the time the king's grown daughters - selfish, scheming Goneril, sadistic but hot Regan, and sweet, loyal Cordelia - were mere girls. So he can see trouble brewing when Lear demands that his kids swear their undying love and devotion before a collection of assembled guests. Of course Goneril and Regan are only too happy to brownnose Dad. But Cordelia's blunt honesty ends up costing her her rightful share of the kingdom and earns her a banishment to boot. The only person who can possibly make things right is Pocket, who has already managed to sidestep catastrophe on numerous occasions, using his razor-sharp mind, rapier wit and the equally well-honed daggers he keeps conveniently hidden behind his back. He's going to have to do some very fancy maneuvering - cast some spells, incite a few assassinations, start a war or two (the usual stuff) - and shag every lusciously shaggable wench who's amenable along the way. Pocket may be a fool . . . but he's definitely not an idiot.

Practical Demonkeeping
  • Language: en
  • Pages: 215

Practical Demonkeeping

  • Type: Book
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  • Published: 2009-11-05
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  • Publisher: Hachette UK

In Christopher Moore's ingenious debut novel, we meet one of the most memorably mismatched pairs in the annals of literature. The good-looking one is one-hundred-year-old ex-seminarian and 'roads' scholar Travis O'Hearn. The green one is Catch, a demon with a nasty habit of eating most of the people he meets. Behind the fake Tudor façade of Pine Cove, California, Catch sees a four-star buffet. Travis, on the other hand, thinks he sees a way of ridding himself of his toothy travelling companion. The winos, neo-pagans, and deadbeat Lotharios of Pine Cove, meanwhile, have other ideas. And none of them is quite prepared when all hell breaks loose.

Razzmatazz
  • Language: en
  • Pages: 358

Razzmatazz

New York Times Bestseller “Smart and funny and all sorts of raunchy in the best way.” — San Francisco Chronicle Repeat New York Times bestselling author Christopher Moore returns to the mean streets of San Francisco in this outrageous follow-up to his madcap novel Noir. San Francisco, 1947. Bartender Sammy “Two Toes” Tiffin and the rest of the Cookie’s Coffee Irregulars—a ragtag bunch of working mugs last seen in Noir—are on the hustle: they’re trying to open a driving school; shanghai an abusive Swedish stevedore; get Mable, the local madam, and her girls to a Christmas party at the State Hospital without alerting the overzealous head of the S.F.P.D. vice squad; all while ...

Lamb
  • Language: en

Lamb

A humorous, speculative novel fills in the lost years of Jesus' life, told from the perspective of Biff, his childhood best friend.

Coyote Blue
  • Language: en
  • Pages: 323

Coyote Blue

This comic novel is “[a] whimsical fable of contemporary culture shock. . . . Tautly written with a zest for the absurd and the unpredictable” (The New York Times Book Review). As a boy, he was Samson Hunts Alone—until a deadly misunderstanding with the law forced him to flee the Crow reservation at age fifteen. Today he is Samuel Hunter, a successful Santa Barbara insurance salesman with a Mercedes, a condo, and a hollow, invented life. Then one day, destiny offers him the dangerous gift of love—in the exquisite form of Calliope Kincaid—and a curse in the unheralded appearance of an ancient god by the name of Coyote. Coyote, the trickster, has arrived to reawaken the mystical storyteller within Sam . . . and to seriously screw up his existence in the process. “Downright laugh-out-loud, can’t-put-the-book-down funny.” —The Philadelphia Inquirer “At once irreverent, spiritual, and wonderfully fresh in approach.” —Library Journal “Effectively mixing the mythic and the modern, Moore intersperses contemporary trickster tales with the comic saga of Sam’s evolution.” —Booklist “Funny and entertaining.” —Publishers Weekly

Island Of The Sequined Love Nun
  • Language: en
  • Pages: 416

Island Of The Sequined Love Nun

  • Type: Book
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  • Published: 2009-11-05
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  • Publisher: Hachette UK

Take a wonderfully crazed excursion into the demented heart of a tropical paradise - a world of cargo cults, cannibals, mad scientists, ninjas, and talking fruit bats. Our bumbling hero is Tucker Case, a hopeless geek trapped in a cool guy's body, who makes a living as a pilot for the Mary Jean Cosmetics Corporation. But when he demolishes his boss's pink plane during a drunken airborne liaison, Tuck must run for his life from Mary Jean's goons. Now there's only one employment opportunity left for him: piloting shady secret missions for an unscrupulous medical missionary and a sexy blond high priestess on the remotest of Micronesian hells. Here is a brazen, ingenious, irreverent, and wickedly funny novel from a modern master of the outrageous.

You Suck LP
  • Language: en
  • Pages: 385

You Suck LP

Waking up after a fantastic night only to discover that his girlfriend is a vampire and has transformed him into one, C. Thomas Flood adapts to his new powers while dealing with a dangerous faction of bloodsuckers trying to kill off all other vampires.