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Honest
*The memoirs of Boris Johnson, complete and unabridged, including all the great material he had to take out for being either too incendiary or too obviously made up* Ghostwritten by Lucien Young, while Boris was sunbathing on a donor's private island. Offering a comprehensive account of his meteoric rise (and even more meteoric fall) we follow Boris from Eton and the Bullingdon club, via stints in journalism and as London mayor, before finally making it into Number 10 via slick and sophisticated campaign tactics such as lying and hiding in a fridge. It will outline in bonce-combusting detail the up and downs - but mostly ups! - of his tenure in Downing Street, from Getting Brexit Done and battling the Wizards of Woke, to nearly dying because he shook too many hands. This is BoJo as you've never seen him before.
#Sonnets
'I thought I could, with verse iambic, pry Some sense from nonsense, and our modern scene Depict and mock, while using "thee" and "thy" In pages fit to rest by thy latrine.' Shakespeare’s sonnets are among the great achievements in world literature. Alas, the immortal Bard never used his command of iambic pentameter to explore such themes as porn, Snapchat and Austin Powers. #Sonnets is a collection of hilarious and inappropriate poems complete with illustrations of Elizabethan RoboCop and Snoop Dogg in tights. Musing on everything from Donald Trump to Tinder, comedy writer Lucien Young offers a Shakespearean take on the absurdity of modern life.
The Secret Diary of Boris Johnson Aged 131⁄4
'Deliciously funny and highly impudent' - Jon Culshaw FEATURES ILLUMINATING NEW MATERIAL about the original Partygate: a boozy shindig Boris threw while Eton was in the grip of a flu epidemic. Read on for deeper insight into Johnson's psychology, and the hubris and hedonism that would characterise his premiership. Unfortunately for Britain, the teenager isn't too different from the man... ___ 'My dearest, darling, dapper, dashing Diary, What ho! 'Tis I, the man of the moment (and, indeed, of every moment), Boris Johnson. Today was a balmy summer one, and so your devoted diarist opted to recline upon the bank of the Thames, reflecting on glories of the previous twelvemonth. Naturally, my second year at Eton has been an unbroken string of victories and vindications. I outwitted my rivals, wrote every essay at the last moment, and snuck a metric tonne of Curly Wurlies from the tuck shop. And I only expect to achieve more in the coming year. To paraphrase that fine Olympic slogan: Citius, Altius, Fortius, Borius!'
Elon Musk (Almost) Saves The World
The world's richest man faces the galaxy's deadliest threat! Everyone's favourite billionaire makes his pulse-pounding debut in this rip-roaring sci-fi adventure, from the author of The Secret Diary of Boris Johnson Aged 131⁄4. When an ALIEN ARMADA menaces our planet, Earth's governments and armed forces find themselves powerless to resist. In desperation, humanity turns to one man: billionaire, futurist and Twitter addict ELON MUSK. Thankfully the world's richest man is also the smartest... right? Elon has long styled himself as the real-life Tony Stark, but can everyone's favourite genius step up and become a hero? Or is he just an egotistical man-child whose only actual talent is self-promotion? Whatever happens, us non-plutocrats are in for a wild ride! Board the electric space vehicle ICARUS 1 with Elon, alien princess Grimes and arch-rival Jeff Bezos, as the oldest man alive, President Joe Biden, tasks them with saving the planet. ELON MUSK! SAVIOUR OF SPACE! LORD OF THE FUTURE! MASTER OF MEMES! Humanity's fate is in his hands... if only he could stop Tweeting.
HONEST
*The memoirs of Boris Johnson, complete and unabridged, including all the great material he had to take out for being either too incendiary or too obviously made up* Ghostwritten by Lucien Young, while Boris was sunbathing on a donor's private island. Offering a comprehensive account of his meteoric rise (and even more meteoric fall) we follow Boris from Eton and the Bullingdon club, via stints in journalism and as London mayor, before finally making it into Number 10 via slick and sophisticated campaign tactics such as lying and hiding in a fridge. It will outline in bonce-combusting detail the up and downs - but mostly ups! - of his tenure in Downing Street, from Getting Brexit Done and battling the Wizards of Woke, to nearly dying because he shook too many hands. This is BoJo as you've never seen him before.
Trump: The Prison Diaries
In this explosive first-person account of swapping the White House for the Big House, Donald Trump aims to Make Prison Great Again. MARCH 31 It's been two weeks since they put me in The Hole. Very unfair! No-one is treated as unfairly as Trump. Many people say that solitary confinement is a kind of torture. I'm not so sure. I'm getting to spend a lot of time with my favourite person in the world. I say to him: "Mr President, remember when you met Bo Derek at the PGA Tour Championship? She had the hots for you, believe me." And he'll reply: "I agree, Mr President. Also, I was a better golfer than anyone in the tournament. And that's without cheating, which I would never do, believe me." So I'...
Kim Jong-Fun Party Hard the North Korean Way
For the baby-faced dictator in your life, a guide to throwing shindigs that go off like an intercontinental ballistic missile. 안녕하세요! Please express profound gratitude to Revered Marshall Kim Jong-un, who generously provides boundless wisdom to the people. In this book, he instructs his adoring subjects on how to party down in a one-party state. A good knees-up can lift workers' spirits, taking their minds off political repression, food scarcity and a total lack of free speech. Not that any of those are issues in North Korea, despite what Western propagandists might say. Kim Jong-FUN is the #1 bestselling book in the DPRK! And, coincidentally, the only one you can buy.
Alice in Brexitland
Lying on a riverbank on a lazy summer’s afternoon – 23rd June 2016, to be precise – Alice spots a flustered-looking white rabbit called Dave calling for a referendum. Following him down a rabbit-hole, she emerges into a strange new land, where up is down, black is white, experts are fools and fools are experts... She meets such characters as the Corbynpillar, who sits on a toadstool smoking his hookah and being no help to anyone; Humpty Trumpty, perched on a wall he wants the Mexicans to pay for; the Cheshire Twat, who likes to disappear leaving only his grin, a pint, and the smell of scotch eggs remaining; and the terrifying Queen of Heartlessness, who’ll take off your head if you dare question her plan for Brexit. Will Alice ever be able to find anyone who speaks sense?
