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The Secret Diary of Boris Johnson Aged 131⁄4
'Deliciously funny and highly impudent' - Jon Culshaw FEATURES ILLUMINATING NEW MATERIAL about the original Partygate: a boozy shindig Boris threw while Eton was in the grip of a flu epidemic. Read on for deeper insight into Johnson's psychology, and the hubris and hedonism that would characterise his premiership. Unfortunately for Britain, the teenager isn't too different from the man... ___ 'My dearest, darling, dapper, dashing Diary, What ho! 'Tis I, the man of the moment (and, indeed, of every moment), Boris Johnson. Today was a balmy summer one, and so your devoted diarist opted to recline upon the bank of the Thames, reflecting on glories of the previous twelvemonth. Naturally, my second year at Eton has been an unbroken string of victories and vindications. I outwitted my rivals, wrote every essay at the last moment, and snuck a metric tonne of Curly Wurlies from the tuck shop. And I only expect to achieve more in the coming year. To paraphrase that fine Olympic slogan: Citius, Altius, Fortius, Borius!'
Alice in Brexitland
Lying on a riverbank on a lazy summer’s afternoon – 23rd June 2016, to be precise – Alice spots a flustered-looking white rabbit called Dave calling for a referendum. Following him down a rabbit-hole, she emerges into a strange new land, where up is down, black is white, experts are fools and fools are experts... She meets such characters as the Corbynpillar, who sits on a toadstool smoking his hookah and being no help to anyone; Humpty Trumpty, perched on a wall he wants the Mexicans to pay for; the Cheshire Twat, who likes to disappear leaving only his grin, a pint, and the smell of scotch eggs remaining; and the terrifying Queen of Heartlessness, who’ll take off your head if you dare question her plan for Brexit. Will Alice ever be able to find anyone who speaks sense?
Trump’s Christmas Carol
‘I have the best ghosts, everyone says so’ President Ebenezer Trump is a rich old fool, whose heart is as small as his hands and whose words are as false as his hair. On Christmas Eve, he is visited by three spirits, all intent on changing his evil ways: Bill Clinton, the jovial Ghost of Christmas Past; Barack Obama, the big-eared Ghost of Christmas Present; and the terrifying Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, who shows him how abolishing Obamacare will finish off Tiny Tim... 'This Scrooge is gonna be yooooge...'
Honest
*The memoirs of Boris Johnson, complete and unabridged, including all the great material he had to take out for being either too incendiary or too obviously made up* Ghostwritten by Lucien Young, while Boris was sunbathing on a donor's private island. Offering a comprehensive account of his meteoric rise (and even more meteoric fall) we follow Boris from Eton and the Bullingdon club, via stints in journalism and as London mayor, before finally making it into Number 10 via slick and sophisticated campaign tactics such as lying and hiding in a fridge. It will outline in bonce-combusting detail the up and downs - but mostly ups! - of his tenure in Downing Street, from Getting Brexit Done and battling the Wizards of Woke, to nearly dying because he shook too many hands. This is BoJo as you've never seen him before.
#Sonnets
'I thought I could, with verse iambic, pry Some sense from nonsense, and our modern scene Depict and mock, while using "thee" and "thy" In pages fit to rest by thy latrine.' Shakespeare’s sonnets are among the great achievements in world literature. Alas, the immortal Bard never used his command of iambic pentameter to explore such themes as porn, Snapchat and Austin Powers. #Sonnets is a collection of hilarious and inappropriate poems complete with illustrations of Elizabethan RoboCop and Snoop Dogg in tights. Musing on everything from Donald Trump to Tinder, comedy writer Lucien Young offers a Shakespearean take on the absurdity of modern life.
The Secret Diary of Jeremy Corbyn
In the grand tradition of The Diary of a Nobody comes the secret diary of the twenty-first century’s most unlikely leader: Jeremy Corbyn. Jeremy Corbyn is a committed allotment holder, expert jam maker, dedicated manhole cover inspector... oh, and occasional Leader of Her Majesty’s Opposition. When not cycling around his beloved Islington or tending to his courgettes, he spends his time frantically dodging MPs, spin doctors and vicious journalists craving his opinion on Brexit. In these tumultuous times, everyone wants a piece of the beardy firebrand. So who is the man behind the corduroy? The Secret Diary of Jeremy Corbyn plunges readers into a world of dizzying highs, crushing lows, fervent loyalty and bitter treachery – and that’s just the section about the Highbury Pottery Club. Readers will be moved, amused and astonished by the wit and insight of politics’ greatest outsider: the man, the legend, Jeremy Corbyn.
The Forest of Valancourt Or, The Haunt of the Banditti
"The Forest of Valancourt is the story of young Lucien, who sets out to find his origins and prove himself worthy of the love of the young countess Adelaide. But he gets more than he bargained for when he saves the life of a man who proves to be his father, and who denounces Lucien to the Inquisition! Imprisoned in a dungeon and threatened with horrible torture, can Lucien escape his terrible fate and discover the truth behind his father's past? The Forest of Valancourt is the first title in a new set of limited edition hardcover reprints of the rarest of Gothic novels. While our Gothic Classics series reprints rare titles in paperback editions, these limited edition hardcovers are the rarest of the rare, books of which only one or two copies exist in the world. Only one copy of The Forest of Valancourt has survived; that copy is held in the Bodleian Library in Oxford, England. The Valancourt Books edition is newly typeset from that copy in an attractive cloth-bound edition with dust jacket, giving modern readers the opportunity to own a copy of this extremely rare work."--Publisher's website.
Escape from Lucien: A Graphic Novel (Amulet #6)
Kazu Kibuishi's #1 NEW YORK TIMES bestselling series continues! Navin and his classmates journey to Lucien, a city ravaged by war and plagued by mysterious creatures, where they search for a beacon essential to their fight against the Elf King. Meanwhile, Emily heads back into the Void with Max, one of the Elf King's loyal followers, where she learns his darkest secrets. The stakes, for both Emily and Navin, are higher than ever.
Lucien (Silvermay)
The thrilling conclusion to the award-winning Silvermay Saga Silvermay Hawker has crammed more adventure into her seventeenth year than others manage in a lifetime. She has also found Tamlyn, the man she wants to spend the rest of her lifetime with, but first the pair must fulfill the promise they made to a dear friend. Young Lucien, the little boy Silvermay has raised as her own, must be freed of his Wyrdborn magic, and it's not just for him she must see this done. Lucien might yet destroy whole kingdoms. And so the three travel to Erebis Felan where the terrible power in Lucien changes him in a way no one could possibly imagine. Now Silvermay's love is challenged like never before, as it is the kind of love Lucien now wants from her that may determine the fate of everyone she cares for. Ages: 12
Elon Musk (Almost) Saves The World
The world's richest man faces the galaxy's deadliest threat! Everyone's favourite billionaire makes his pulse-pounding debut in this rip-roaring sci-fi adventure, from the author of The Secret Diary of Boris Johnson Aged 131⁄4. When an ALIEN ARMADA menaces our planet, Earth's governments and armed forces find themselves powerless to resist. In desperation, humanity turns to one man: billionaire, futurist and Twitter addict ELON MUSK. Thankfully the world's richest man is also the smartest... right? Elon has long styled himself as the real-life Tony Stark, but can everyone's favourite genius step up and become a hero? Or is he just an egotistical man-child whose only actual talent is self-promotion? Whatever happens, us non-plutocrats are in for a wild ride! Board the electric space vehicle ICARUS 1 with Elon, alien princess Grimes and arch-rival Jeff Bezos, as the oldest man alive, President Joe Biden, tasks them with saving the planet. ELON MUSK! SAVIOUR OF SPACE! LORD OF THE FUTURE! MASTER OF MEMES! Humanity's fate is in his hands... if only he could stop Tweeting.
