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Hilarious tales from the trenches of food service from the popular blog—perfect for fans of David Sedaris, Anthony Bourdain, Erma Bombeck and Mo Rocca. For all those disenchanted current and former food service employees, Darron Cardosa (a.k.a. The Bitchy Waiter) has your back. Based on his popular blog, this riotous book is full of waitstaff horror stories—plus heartwarming tales—from three decades in the industry. Cardosa knows you want your beer cold (“You want a cold beer? Thank you for clarifying so I didn’t bring you the one that just came out of the oven”). And while he may hate children (“I know the kid at Table Eight is trouble the moment he rolls into the restaurant i...
They come into our homes. They see us in our most fragile moments. Plumbers are a fixture in our lives. When a toilet clogs, a faucet leaks, or a sewer line plugs, we call those unsung heroes, desperately seeking help. They scoop out our poop and pull underwear, toothbrushes and cotton balls out of our toilets, doing whatever it takes to get the job done. On a late Wednesday evening, after my toilet clogged, I asked our plumber to share his top five “greatest hits.” The stories were so hilarious, I had to share them with the world. The Poop Diaries features true stories told by my plumber, and many other plumbers, about the most memorable service jobs they have worked on and most unique people they have helped. Whether it’s nudity, rats, fake vaginas, dildos, snakes, weapons and so much more, these plumbers have seen and smelled it all.
Service workers share their funniest and most cringeworthy stories of difficult, demanding, and just plain mind-boggling encounters with the public . . . “Ma’am, the rules clearly state that you cannot have any liquids over 3.4 ounces in your carry-on. If you’d like to, you could—” “But that’s not a liquid!” “Excuse me, ma’am?” “It’s not a liquid! It’s water!” Retailers, restaurants, and tech support providers believe service is king, but in The Customer Is Not Always Right, A.J. Adams proves that customers will do anything they can to put that motto to the test. Enjoy tales from the creator of the popular website Not Always Right, including half that are previously unpublished, showcasing customer-relations horror stories everyone can relate to. No matter what side of the counter you’re on, there are hilarious accounts about everything that can go wrong between the customer and retail or service provider. Whether it's a confrontation in the drive-through over not enough fries or arguing over a one-cent price difference on milk, this book proves the principle of “the customer is always right” can be dead wrong.
Ah, retail. It has lured in the best of us with promises of employee discounts (a sham), the "fun" of working with people (not so much), and flexible hours (dont make me laugh). What we got instead: cranky customers, sadistic managers, idiotic coworkers, and, oh yeah, the hell that is doing inventory. But there are ways to lessen the pain, and this retail handbook will show you how. Inside youll learn how to handle the crazies (both customers and coworkers), feign product knowledge, and make the best of working the register, all the while, of course, pretending you care. This book takes years of retail experience and condenses it into a guide that is as funny as it is useful. If you work in retail now, have done so in the past, or plan to do so in the future: this is the book for you.
Greetings to you, the lucky finder of this Gold Ticket from Mr Willy Wonka! Tremendous things are in store for you! Charlie Bucket's life is about to change forever, thanks to one miraculous moment! Willy Wonka, chocolate maker extraordinaire, has hidden five golden tickets in five ordinary bars of chocolate, and any child who finds one will get the chance to visit his incredible factory. And Charlie has found one . . . But so have . . . Augustus Gloop - a glutton for chocolate Veruca Salt - a spoiled and selfish brat Violet Beauregarde - a repulsive gum-chewer Mike Teavee - a television fiend With a chocolate river, delectable confectionery and mysterious Oompa Loompas, Mr Wonka's factory is the most wondrous place Charlie has ever seen.
A head server at a renowned NYC restaurant dishes out stories and trade secrets from the world of fine dining in this behind-the-scenes memoir. While recent college grad Phoebe Damrosch was figuring out what to do with her life, she supported herself by working as a waiter. Before long she was a captain at the legendary four-star restaurant Per Se, the culinary creation of master chef Thomas Keller. Service Included is the story of her experiences there: her obsession with food, her love affair with a sommelier, and her observations of the highly competitive and frenetic world of fine dining. Along the way, she provides insider dining tips, such as: Never ask your waiter what else he or she does. Never send something back after eating most of it. Never make gagging noises when hearing the specials—someone else at the table might like to order one.
The startling new science behind sudden acts of violence and the nine triggers this groundbreaking researcher has uncovered We all have a rage circuit we can’t fully control once it is engaged as R. Douglas Fields, PhD, reveals in this essential book for our time. The daily headlines are filled with examples of otherwise rational people with no history of violence or mental illness suddenly snapping in a domestic dispute, an altercation with police, or road rage attack. We all wish to believe that we are in control of our actions, but the fact is, in certain circumstances we are not. The sad truth is that the right trigger in the right circumstance can unleash a fit of rage in almost anyon...
Joining the ranks of such acclaimed accounts as Manic, Brain on Fire, and Monkey Mind, a deeply personal, funny, and sometimes painful look at anxiety and its impact from writer and commentator Kat Kinsman. Feeling anxious? Can’t sleep because your brain won’t stop recycling thoughts? Unable to make a decision because you're too afraid you’ll make the wrong one? You’re not alone. In Hi, Anxiety, beloved food writer, editor, and commentator Kat Kinsman expands on the high profile pieces she wrote for CNN.com about depression, and its wicked cousin, anxiety. Taking us back to her adolescence, when she was diagnosed with depression at fourteen, Kat speaks eloquently with pathos and humo...
According to The Waiter, eighty percent of customers are nice people just looking for something to eat. The remaining twenty percent, however, are socially maladjusted psychopaths. Waiter Rant offers the server's unique point of view, replete with tales of customer stupidity, arrogant misbehavior, and unseen bits of human grace transpiring in the most unlikely places. Through outrageous stories, The Waiter reveals the secrets to getting good service, proper tipping etiquette, and how to keep him from spitting in your food. The Waiter also shares his ongoing struggle, at age thirty-eight, to figure out if he can finally leave the first job at which he's truly thrived.