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Randham Acts
After receiving his latest rejection letter from a fiction magazine, aspiring writer Hugh Longford purchases The BlockBuster plot-generation software, which analyzes fiction and suggests ways to "punch up" storylines. Soon, Hugh consults The BlockBuster about how to handle real-life problems, including a miserable co-worker who makes his job unbearable, and a "ball-busting" history exam threatening to derail his university career. Meanwhile, the mother of his girlfriend suffers a catastrophic nervous breakdown, suggesting she might be capable of violence.
Let Us Go Then, You and I
On June 30, 2023, Dave Hunter, father, husband, friend, philanthropist, entrepreneur, passed away at the age of 47. Two days later, in the predawn hours, as I prepared for a 100 kilometer cycling adventure, I felt Dave's presence and invited him to join me.
Forever & a Day
A chance meeting at a café one afternoon, I ran into an old girlfriend months after our years-long relationship ended. There was awkward talk of new jobs, new friends, and as I moved to say goodbye, there was one more piece of news: “I’m going to be an aunt,” she said. I looked at her. She shrugged, smiled sadly. “Deirdre’s pregnant. Two months, now.” The news echoed in my ears, quivered through my bones. I mouthed the words, Deirdre’s pregnant. Deirdre was seventeen years old. There seemed nothing more to say except goodbye and good luck. As I stepped into the sunlight, stunned and blinking, a murmur of longing and regret whispered through me. It continued unabated as I walked toward home, past my street, to the waterfront. All the while that voice welled until it surged through me like a cry… I cannot let this passing of affection happen without a word...
The Kilominator: Cycling Through a Global Pandemic In Search of Sanity & Stability
I have struggled with my weight my entire adult life. Dwelling among cubicles for two decades, my sedentary existence saw my weight climb to nearly 300 lbs. The number is irrelevant, but the discomfort, desperation, and despair I lived with were all very real. Fast forward to the COVID-19 global pandemic, I came to a crossroads where I realized I could choose which “95” I wanted to be—eat, drink, and laze my way to 395 lbs., or battle the isolation and anxiety by getting on my bike and pedaling toward for 195 lbs. I chose the latter. Since May 2020, I have logged more than 65,000 kilometers on my bike. I am not a slick, spandexed cyclist practicing his art in pelotons. I am a lone, obsessed hobbyist.
As My Sparks Fly Upward & Other stories
Among the citizens of these stories you will find: The best man, secretly against his best buddy’s marriage, finds himself having to actually talk the panicking groom into going through with the ceremony. After Larry Dun’s name appears in the obituary section of the local newspaper, he goes to a bar to contemplate life as a ghost, and decide what second chances are about. Legendary rock ’n’ roller, Wolf Kearney, takes the stage and faces a tumultuous audience—a mirror reflection of his thirty years in the business—a crowd lost in the past?—finding himself more confined within the spotlight, than exalted by it. As a young man drives home one night following band practice, his car is nearly struck by something falling from a bridge overhead: an ordinary soda can-filled with ominous, though potentially profitable contents. Adam—living in Dublin, Ireland—one night sees a statue of Jesus Christ standing upon a pedestal inside a Plexiglas box. And attempts to rescue him. A rock ’n’ roll fan makes a pilgrimage to Bono’s estate in Killiney, County Dublin, where he reflects on art, fandom and hero worship.
Homunculus
Now, after 34 years, here is the book the Vatican banned in 88 countries, the FBI tried to suppress, and every major media outlet in the English speaking world told you did not exist. Available in this limited, unauthorized edition are the stories of Homunculus. These are the ravings of a desert-maddened wanderer grown lunatic on locusts and honey, crazed by these voices that refused to be silenced. Written in the margins of international telephone directories, take-out menus, matchbooks and business cards, Homunculus has been meticulously reconstructed, its hidden codes broken and laid bare. Shield the elderly and the infirm, protect the innocent and nubile.
The Persistence of Pryvett (against odds great and Small & obstacles multifarious and malevolent)
I met Pryvett on New Year’s Eve 1999. He was an improbable personage. At first glance, Pryvett resembled a melted snowman, a shapeshifter stuck between two ambitious shapes, but he was, clearly, not to be underestimated. He was drinking beer and tequila and wine coolers and smoking a pipe. He was the friend of friends, and I never really caught the connection Pryvett had to them other than he had once “gamed” with them. As the night wore on and outrage after outrage poured out Pryvett, my wife asked me (as other girls in the room were asking their boyfriends), “Who is that guy?” To which a friend, still choking on his drink, laughing at the freshest mordant bon mot from Pryvett, croaked, “He’s the the love-child of Don Rickles and Andrew ‘Dice’ Clay!”
Gas of Tank: A Canadian Law Enforcement Odyssey 1979 - 2019
Todd Ternovan believed in keeping things simple: Marrying his college sweetheart, studying Early Childhood Education at Ryerson University, spending his professional life as a daycare teacher. It was a tidy plan. Except for one thing: Man plans and the gods laugh. To fund his life and education in Toronto, Todd worked a part-time job—as a corrections officer at the infamous Don Jail. Although he spent a few years working with kids, Todd’s experience in corrections propelled him into a 30-year career with the Ontario Provincial Police. Small-town policing isn’t just rescuing cats from trees and performing wellness checks. The concession roads and rural routes of southwestern Ontario are...
Shut Up & Keep Shopping
WARNING: Slight nudity and reams of coarse language.Who would be dishonest enough to summarize this book? The author, I guess.It's Wikileaks of satire and outrage that only our wet diaper of a culture could provoke.It's the white glove of sarcasm striking the huge, rubbery beachball face of this ignoble world.It's Thanksgiving, 1959, with the Bush Family. It's "Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday." It's the pope and Dick Cheney and Canadian Judas Prudence.It's man's inhumanity to man...
