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Damn You, Autocorrect!
Sh#@ Your Phone Says "Damn You, Autocorrect!" If you own an iPhone, BlackBerry, Droid, or any smartphone, there's a good chance you've screamed that phrase out at least once. In Damn You, Autocorrect!, pop-culture blogger Jillian Madison shows you are not alone. Filled with submissions from readers of her popular website, this laugh-out-loud funny book features cringe-worthy exchanges with parents, friends, significant others, and co-workers that contain some of the most unintentionally hilarious--and mortifying--mistakes ever caused by Autocorrect. Inside, you'll find a husband who tells his wife that he just "laid" (paid) the babysitter, a dad who tells his daughter that he and her mom are going to "divorce" (Disney), and many more epic texting fails too raunchy to list here. Whether you love technology, texting humor, or taking just a little bit of pleasure in the misfortune of others, Damn You, Autocorrect! will leave you laughing until you cry, and thankful that nothing this embarrassing has happened to you. Yet.
Dear Asshole
Dear Asshole includes 101 letters to tell off all the assholes you encounter on a daily basis, each letter conveniently perforated so you can tear it out and give it to the desired offender. The world is full of assholes -- but now you can fight back! Ever wish you could leave a nasty note for that jerk meter maid who ticketed you, or the idiot who didn't clean up after his dog, or your asshole psychotic ex? Now you can! Whether it's the asshole landlord, the asshole cheapskate, the asshole backseat driver, or the constantly cheery asshole, you should never leave home without this useful book ever again! Letters include: Dear Asshole Who Stole My Parking Space Dear Asshole Who Doesn't Know How to Use Self-Checkout Dear Contagious Asshole Dear Constantly Broke Asshole Dear Online Dating Asshole Who Lied About Their Looks Dear Asshole Boss Dear Fanatically Religious Asshole at My Door And more!
The Cheese Stands Alone
Kevin Francis is an outsider. He simply does not fit in anywhere. However, that does not stop him from trying to have a Big Adventure Day. But when everything starts to take a turn for the worse, he finds he has the Biggest Adventure Day of all. He also realizes that, while he is his own worst enemy, he feels he is the only one who can save him from himself and his quirky, unpredictable friends; but his salvation comes from the unlikeliest friend of all. The Cheese Stands Alone explores what it is like for a man who has a high level of Positive Disintegration and how he deals with the world. His views might make you uncomfortable, but they also might make you laugh and think about things in a new light. He takes a stand, whether right or wrong, about this world and how it should be. He may not fit into your universe, but he is the Big Cheese in his own. He is me and he is the Cheese. And this Cheese stands alone.
From Guyana to America
The story of the Alli Family through the eyes of Samshair Alli. Picture: 4/25/2009 Top Row: Dennis, Desmond, Jeanette, Rayman, Juliet Bottom Row: Samshair, Zorah
Madison's Angels
Madison's Angels takes place in North Carolina, New Mexico, and Texas. Though the first chapter takes place twenty-seven years ago, the remainder of the story occurs during the current time period. Madison Cavanaugh is the only child of a single mother, Rosemary. When Madison was just an infant, Rosemary traveled from New Mexico to North Carolina with Ray Davis, who was a long-distance truck driver. With no other family, Rosemary is overwhelmed by the generosity and warmth bestowed on them by the Davis family. She and Madison soon become a part of their family. Ray's younger sister, Debbie, is also a single mother raising a daughter named Megan. Rosemary and Debbie become close friends and t...
End of Day
As a mysterious terror plagues a Pennsylvania town, a young woman must uncover the dark secrets of her family history, in this supernatural suspense novel. Generations of Jillian Cley’s family have been tasked with a strange duty—tending the burial plot of Gabriel Vane, whose body was the first to be interred in the Hode’s Hill cemetery. Jillian faithfully continues the long-standing tradition—until one October night, Vane’s body is stolen from its resting place. As the descendants of those buried in the church yard begin to experience bizarre “accidents,” Jillian tries to uncover the cause. Deeply empathic, Jillian doesn’t make friends easily, or lightly. But to fend off the terror taking over her town, she must join forces with artist Dante DeLuca, whose sensitivity to the spirit world has been both a blessing and a curse. The two soon realize Jillian’s murky family history is entwined with a tragic legacy tracing back to the founding of Hode’s Hill. To set matters right, an ancient wrong must be avenged…or Jillian, Dante, and everyone in town will forever be at the mercy of a vengeful spirit.
The Essex Joke Book
WARNING: This book contains laugh-out-loud jokes about fake tans, vajazzles and all fings Essex Forget the Rolex or the flash car, what you really need in your life to make your friends well jel is The Essex Joke Book. It's packed full of bling-tastic banter, racy rib-ticklers and gob-smackingly good gags all about Essex Girls and Boys, their tans and tribulations, conquests and cock-ups, and more. * How can you tell an Essex Girl has been using her iPad? There's Tipp-Ex on the screen. * What do you call the skeleton of an Essex Boy in a wardrobe? Last year's hide-and-seek champion. * What goes blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette? An Essex Girl doing naked cartwheels. * An Essex Girl gets a job as a teacher. She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him. 'You can go and play with the other kids, you know,' she says. 'It's best I stay here,' he says. 'Why?' asks the Essex Girl. The boy says: 'Because I'm the f**king goalkeeper.'
Damn You, Autocorrect!
Damn You, Autocorrect! brings together some of the laugh-out-loud funny and painfully embarrassing posts from the hit website, which highlight the hilarity that often ensues when text messaging goes wrong: girlfriends getting together for 'manila penis,'(mani pedis); a husband texting his wife that he 'laid' the babysitter (paid); a friend asking if someone got tickets to the 'Lady Vagina' (Lady Gaga) concert, and the most popular image on the website so far: a father texting his daughter that he and his mother were going to divorce, when they were in fact just going to Disney. Oops. The phenomenally successful Damnyouautocorrect.com began when author Jillian Madison innocently tried to invite some friends over for gelato. Autocorrect, however, had another idea, and asked them over for a night of 'fellatio' instead. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Damn You, Autocorrect! includes 200 never before seen submissions to the website, as well as an introduction from the author and website creator, Jillian Madison.
Blogging For Dummies
"Learn to: Compare and use the newest blogging software tools; Find your niche and gain an audience; Integrate your blog with social media and explore microblogging; Make money with advertising and search engine optimization"--Cover.
Madly She Waited
Madison's story begins near the end. Her retelling of her life, present and past, the mystery that drives her, her passion to exist despite her troubling experiences, her state of mind which sometimes spirals as would anyone that was this complicated. Madison knows from an early age that she is connected to something/someone, despite her never feeling like she fits anywhere. She knows that this mysterious connection is bigger than anything a girl could dream of. Madison ultimately finds out that dreams can come true. Whether they are true or not.
